I have already told that I had no freedom to go outside of my home. But once an emergency happened in my home. My father was not at home, he would come home only rarely because he was serving in a mosque in a far away place from home. My brothers were young children. My mother cannot go. It became necessary for my mother to send me. When my mother was sending me to the house of my aunt who is my father's sister, she gave me much direction. When I was studying in school, I used to visit my aunt often and today also I was to go there. There was a bus stop near my house. I had to catch the direct bus from there to my aunt's house. My mother told me, "daughter, you should not interact with gentiles, you should not stand where they stand, you should stand where no one is standing, you should not look at the face of anybody, do not speak to them, but when the bus comes you catch the bus, go there, do your work and return as soon as possible. Especially, you should not look at the face of any man because these things are prohibited. She spoke all these things to me and sent me away with great fear and with great faith.
I came to the bus stop and just as my mother told me, I stood in a corner of the bus stop.
When I was standing there, there were many people, men, and women who were in that bus stop. No one seemed to be caring about me; they only looked once towards me and stood aside because they could not see my face clearly as my face was covered with black clothing. They stood aside, probably thinking, "What type of figure is she?"
When I was standing there, a respectable looking old man probably in his 60's approached me slightly stooped to look at my face because I was standing with my face down. He came to me and with folded hands he wished me. And he said to me like this, "child, when I saw your dress, I realized that you are growing up and living in a radical Muslim family. But you will never be able to go to heaven for which you desire, wishing with faith, waiting for it, just by wearing this type of dress or by following your scriptures. If you want to go to heaven you need to come out believing in the way of Jesus whom I serve. After saying this he said, I am telling you the thoughts of your heart. When he said like that, I once looked at his face and then looked at the ground. I was shocked and thought, "How could this man know my thoughts which I had been carrying in my heart from the last two years?"
Then he talked to me about Jesus. So I said to him, "I don't want to hear about this Jesus. this Jesus is a human being. He died on the cross which means that He was not God nor was He a prophet but simply a human being and I don't want to hear about Him." And I told, "I can tell you the true life story." I told him the whole life story of Isa Nabi as I have said about him before. He said, " The story you told about Isa Nabi is correct. Jesus about whom I told you is the same Isa Nabi about whom you were telling. He said that this Isa Nabi (Prophet Jesus) is the same, Jesus. Saying that he started to tell the verses from the Bible to prove that Jesus is God. I interrupted him and said, "I don't want to hear, I have no interest in listening to this. I closed my ears with my hands saying, in fact listening to your words are prohibited for me. Then he gave me a Bible in my hand and said, "Ok, I am not saying anything, but read the words of the Bible and know that Jesus is God." When I took the Bible in my hand, a great fear and restlessness came in my heart because from the childhood I heard, learned and grew with these teachings that you should not touch the scriptures of other faiths with your hand.
Touching will make you unholy. My father had taught me that I have to touch such scriptures only for destroying them.
Suddenly I felt that because I took the Bible in my hands, Allah would punish me but if I destroy it Allah will reward me. I told him to just wait there for a moment. I borrowed a matchbox from the nearby shop and in front of that person I burnt down the Bible. Thus I established my faith in Allah and that his words written in the Quran alone and nothing else. After burning the Bible, I told him to leave me alone and said, "I don't want to see your face nor do I want to hear your words. Just leave this place."
The person then told me, "The same Jesus whom you have rejected has seen you. Carrying in your hands a Bible similar to that you have burnt, you will preach the same Jesus whom you have rejected, proclaiming that Jesus is God among your own people and in different parts of the world. Those days are coming. After saying those words that person left that place.
When that person left saying these words, a great restlessness filled my soul and I worried thinking why he spoke like that. I started thinking whether there is any meaningful signification in what he said. I did not feel like going to my aunt, but I ran back to my home. My mother looked at me and asked, "did you go, what happened there?" But I did not say a word and I entered my room. Though I was sitting inside my home I had no peace. There were Quran verses and the words of Quran photo framed or laminated hanging in my room which I recited and still I could not get any peace in my heart and the restlessness did not leave me.
Immediately I came out of my room. My mother again asked, what happened to me. She said, "you are looking awful, did anybody say anything to you?" Then also I did not say anything because I was not able to say anything. There was a very heavy burden in my heart and a feeling that something bad was going to happen to me. I felt that something bad will happen to me right then. Something is going to happen to me. Something will happen.. Something will happen; these thoughts were continuously in my heart.
When these thoughts were ruling my heart, I heard the call to prayer from Mosque reminding that it was prayer time. I thought, "when I will go and pray for the Muslim prayer, I will get peace. Prayers have to be done five times in a day and every time when the Mosque "call to prayer" is heard that will be prayer time.
I came to the bus stop and just as my mother told me, I stood in a corner of the bus stop.
When I was standing there, there were many people, men, and women who were in that bus stop. No one seemed to be caring about me; they only looked once towards me and stood aside because they could not see my face clearly as my face was covered with black clothing. They stood aside, probably thinking, "What type of figure is she?"
When I was standing there, a respectable looking old man probably in his 60's approached me slightly stooped to look at my face because I was standing with my face down. He came to me and with folded hands he wished me. And he said to me like this, "child, when I saw your dress, I realized that you are growing up and living in a radical Muslim family. But you will never be able to go to heaven for which you desire, wishing with faith, waiting for it, just by wearing this type of dress or by following your scriptures. If you want to go to heaven you need to come out believing in the way of Jesus whom I serve. After saying this he said, I am telling you the thoughts of your heart. When he said like that, I once looked at his face and then looked at the ground. I was shocked and thought, "How could this man know my thoughts which I had been carrying in my heart from the last two years?"
Then he talked to me about Jesus. So I said to him, "I don't want to hear about this Jesus. this Jesus is a human being. He died on the cross which means that He was not God nor was He a prophet but simply a human being and I don't want to hear about Him." And I told, "I can tell you the true life story." I told him the whole life story of Isa Nabi as I have said about him before. He said, " The story you told about Isa Nabi is correct. Jesus about whom I told you is the same Isa Nabi about whom you were telling. He said that this Isa Nabi (Prophet Jesus) is the same, Jesus. Saying that he started to tell the verses from the Bible to prove that Jesus is God. I interrupted him and said, "I don't want to hear, I have no interest in listening to this. I closed my ears with my hands saying, in fact listening to your words are prohibited for me. Then he gave me a Bible in my hand and said, "Ok, I am not saying anything, but read the words of the Bible and know that Jesus is God." When I took the Bible in my hand, a great fear and restlessness came in my heart because from the childhood I heard, learned and grew with these teachings that you should not touch the scriptures of other faiths with your hand.
Touching will make you unholy. My father had taught me that I have to touch such scriptures only for destroying them.
Suddenly I felt that because I took the Bible in my hands, Allah would punish me but if I destroy it Allah will reward me. I told him to just wait there for a moment. I borrowed a matchbox from the nearby shop and in front of that person I burnt down the Bible. Thus I established my faith in Allah and that his words written in the Quran alone and nothing else. After burning the Bible, I told him to leave me alone and said, "I don't want to see your face nor do I want to hear your words. Just leave this place."
The person then told me, "The same Jesus whom you have rejected has seen you. Carrying in your hands a Bible similar to that you have burnt, you will preach the same Jesus whom you have rejected, proclaiming that Jesus is God among your own people and in different parts of the world. Those days are coming. After saying those words that person left that place.
When that person left saying these words, a great restlessness filled my soul and I worried thinking why he spoke like that. I started thinking whether there is any meaningful signification in what he said. I did not feel like going to my aunt, but I ran back to my home. My mother looked at me and asked, "did you go, what happened there?" But I did not say a word and I entered my room. Though I was sitting inside my home I had no peace. There were Quran verses and the words of Quran photo framed or laminated hanging in my room which I recited and still I could not get any peace in my heart and the restlessness did not leave me.
Immediately I came out of my room. My mother again asked, what happened to me. She said, "you are looking awful, did anybody say anything to you?" Then also I did not say anything because I was not able to say anything. There was a very heavy burden in my heart and a feeling that something bad was going to happen to me. I felt that something bad will happen to me right then. Something is going to happen to me. Something will happen.. Something will happen; these thoughts were continuously in my heart.
When these thoughts were ruling my heart, I heard the call to prayer from Mosque reminding that it was prayer time. I thought, "when I will go and pray for the Muslim prayer, I will get peace. Prayers have to be done five times in a day and every time when the Mosque "call to prayer" is heard that will be prayer time.
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